Complex

 Simple is better than complex. 

My life recently became very simple. Get up > Go to school for the day > Go away for supper/do crazy things with crazy people > Go home to bed.

I love it. Will it eventually become complex? I hope not.

My old life was/is complex. Because of Christmas break, I am back in my old life for a few weeks and I don't know how to feel. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe it used to be simple and I made it complex. All the people that need my attention, all the things that need to be thinged and the stuff that needs to be stuffed should have their priorities and then I should leave them at that. But I think I have to do/be everything and then I make life complex. 

Complex is still better than complicated. 

Safe

  Tell me about being safe.

   I gave this as a composition assignment to two of my students a few days ago. I wasn't sure how they would respond, but within 30 minutes, they each had written half a page of wise words and deep thoughts.

   I keep thinking back to those compositions, to the prompt about being safe. I started thinking about my feelings of safety and decided to write about a few of them.

   This actually happened later on in the week, after the 'safe' composition. Something came up that I didn't want to do. I knew that it had to be done and that I could have fun doing it if I let myself, but I had a bad attitude about it. So I prayed about it. I told God what was happening and my feelings about it. And suddenly I knew that I didn't have to fear the circumstances anymore, God would help me thru. I felt safe in the trust.

   My beautiful little niece has reached the stage where she would sometimes rather be with Tia Addie than Mom because Tia Addie is more fun because she's not Mom. One evening at bed time, she begged to come to me. She dove into my arms and, after a story and a bottle, she snuggled in and fell asleep. She trusted me. She felt safe with me. And I felt secure because she wanted and needed me.

   A few months ago I knew I needed a change. What kind of change I didn't know, but I talked to God a lot about it. A job offer came for something that I did not think that I wanted to do. In fact, the same thing had been mentioned to me a week or so before and I thought it so far fetched that I promptly forgot about it. But after the second time it was mentioned to me, the thought would not leave me. I knew without knowing that this is what I was going to do. That this was the change God had in mind for me. So I said I would teach. Fast forward to now. Sometimes I get discouraged or it feels like I can't be a good enough teacher. Thru the nebulous haze comes the thought to pray. So I do. And suddenly I know that I can do it. I can make it. I don't have to be the perfect teacher, all my students need is my best efforts. And I can do my best because I know this is where God wants me, I'm following His path and He'll watch over me. I'm safe.

   I dropped my students off at home late one afternoon (yes we are an unconventional school.) Instead of running to the house like his siblings, one stayed back and waited for me. The short walk to the house provided an opportunity to touch on some serious subjects and he readily shared his thoughts on those subjects. This is the kind of teacher I want to continue to be. A teacher whose students feel safe with her.

   To complete this post, I will leave a thought borrowed from one of the aforementioned compositions. 'If people fear for the safety of you, you can be safe in that fear and it is comforting.'

   Goodnight. 

To my sisters

 There is no grin more mischievous or happy than auntie's grin when the small niece or nephew is left in her charge for awhile.