The Chimes Of The Bells

 We have two bells around here. They both control our lives to some extent. The small one is average size and the larger one is small. They both have a girly loud voice to which our ears are tuned quite keenly. One tells us when it's time to eat and the other tells us when it's time for herself to eat. One is an actual bell and the other is the actual baby Bell. We couldn't live without them.

Second Nursery, Two ways

Second Nurse, Two Ways

  It’s and exhilarating experience that can get your heart pumping. I think it’s my least favourite job. 

  It’s being torn from my home at the tender age of 1 or 2 and being dropped in a home with 3 or 4 other children who are my age and being my normal needy, crazy, curious 2 -year-old self. 

  It’s hearing uh-uh-uh and then screams cuz there are 3 or 4 of them who want attention RIGHT NOW and I don’t have that much attention to give right here and right now. 

  It’s not knowing how to talk properly and trying to get my teacher’s attention while the other kids also want her attention and IT’S NOT WORKING SO I’M GOING TO SCREAM!!

  It’s being a bit stressed with four kids and unexpectedly admitting another one and now having 5 to take care of. 

  It’s being suddenly taken from home and family and being placed in this emergency shelter where everything and everyone is strange so of course I’ll cry. 

  It’s being downstairs at 0600 everyday and just about going crazy in the ensuing 2 hours. 

  It’s having slept at least 10 hours and being ready to play and not sleep. It’s wanting breakfast now!

  It’s dealing with a screaming 2 year old all morning and finally holding her close rocking her to sleep at nap time

  It’s having got up on the wrong side of bed and having everything go wrong all morning and finally getting the attention and love I’ve been needing all morning and being held as I fall asleep at nap time. 

  It’s taking all four kids into the nursery together to be ‘efficient’ and get their baths down quickly but then they pull clothes out of drawers and stick stuff into the humidifier and climb in and out of the cribs an unplug nightlights and noisemakers and make me pretty much pull out my hair. But I got them bathed and combed in 40 minutes. 

  Excuse me? We are 2! You expect the three of us to just sit quietly and just wait patiently for our turn in the bath??

  It’s standing by each of the cribs individually while the child inside it drifts off to slumberland. 

  It’s being wired and not able to go to sleep by myself. It’s needing a small amount of comfort and one on one time in this crazy emergency shelter where there are lots of kids and just enough staff to see that the minimum needs are taken care of. 

  It’s holding a 2-year-old and crying because I can’t give them everything they need because there’s not enough time or resources or anything. 

  It’s wrapping your little arms around my teacher because I know that she’s doing what she can and that she loves me. 

8-06-19 to 8-12-19

  

Questions? Call Me.

  Second float. Lets see what I can tell you about it. It’s vacuuming or mopping every day. It’s having the not very fun jobs when 2 people are off cuz first float gets to pick. Except sometimes first float is not always up to the fun jobs so you get them. It’s ‘DIRTY DIAPER SECOND FLOAT!!!!!!!!!’ whenever second nurse girl is on playduty. It’s sleeping on the couch downstairs and doing 0100 admissions. It’s a lot of things. Floating, like the name implies. 

7-30-19 to 8-5-19

Ooo-la-la

  Well, back to my favorite job again. Excuse the sarcasm. My KA week was actually tolerable. Maybe due to the fact that 2.5 of those days were not spent actually doing KA work (due to family and inexplicable reasons exclusive to this home). And I had a great Head Cook to work with. Meals and dishes were done efficiently and on time, and outlet tome spent in the kitchen was neither super long nor super boring. I tried to serve up interesting veggies instead of just carrots and cucumbers and ranch and I think I was successful. The most stressful part was Sunday dinner. Sunday dinners should be a bit fancy right?? Which mean quite a bit kore work for KA. But then people offer to help and everything gets done and the homemade ice cream is well appreciated and it is all worth the effort.  

Alendo

Sysco came to see me

  What happens when 2 Canadian girls with high ambitions think they can do anything and everything? They arrive home tired and exhausted, 11 hours after leaving and still have to attend staff meeting. 

  One Friday night in June Papa’s and I headed to the train station to eagerly await the train. After a few minutes of observing one guy try to master some crazy stunt at the skateboard park while another guy vidoed him over and over, finally Sysco arrived!! Joyous reunions, short rides. Quick tours, explanations and introductions. And the rest of her stay flew by. 

  Saturday everyone was super nice and traded or just took my playduty hours. So we went to market and chilled and did random stuff and a bit of work. Sunday was a normal work day and then I had all of Monday off. What a day!! We headed off around 0830 to do a bit of local shopping and then we hit the road. Our first stop was a local rock attraction where we walked random trails hoping to find a way to climb up without asking directions for the right trail. Alas, no luck. So we turned away and headed for a tour of our sister home where Sysco’s mom spent a year of her life. McDonalds served as our lunch and we were on our way a again. After stopping at an old trading post and then viewing Canyon de Chelly from a lookout we wound our way toward Three Turkey Canyon. The backroads here are amazing. Roads, or shall I say ruts and potholes, branch off the main trail every few hundred feet and no sign of anyone in sight. You have to be good at following directions backwards to get out. And you have to know which side of which windmill to go around (it’s either the one you can see or the one you can’t see which may or may not actually be there.) We made it tho, after off reading for awhile with our trust little Titan and wondering if we were a bit lost. It’s quite the place and quite the climb, but if you ever happen to head down there please learn from us and take some water it’s quiet down in the canyon and there’s a trickle of water in some places. A little ways up one side are the ruins which were quite tempting to me except for the sign boasting a heavy fine and perhaps jail time if you were caught climbing up. I decided not to risk it. Another interesting story about the canyon, twenty-some years ago when Sysco’s mom was here, she and her friend were hiking the canyon one afternoon and got lost. Apparently it was coming morning before they were found. Since then a new and more clearly marked trail has been made but back then the trail was farther from the ruins and barely discernible. Well we were still a bit paranoid so we made sure we knew where to go and we easily for out. But it was a little exciting at times. Back to town for supper and a drive before heading back home for staff meeting. The next day was my first day of Head Cook and I was super happy to have Sysco here to help me with my ambitiousness. 

  Early Wednesday morning Sysco said goodbye and left. 

 When Dad, Mom, Bro and Sis came

  They arrived late one Friday night in July. Actually it was probably early Saturday morning by the time they got here. It was wonderful to see their faces again! The next morning I had off to go to market with them and do other shopping. We found a friend at market. His name was Nassar and when he found out we were from Canada he told us he was more impressed with the ‘president’ of Canada then the president of the states. He asked us to say hi to our president when we saw him. So Hi Trudeau. Hi from Nassar in New Mexico. The rest of the weekend they helped me with jobs and played with the kids and held the babies. We left the house early Monday morning and headed for Durango! We took our seats in a closed car on the steam train and soon headed up to Silverton. It was beautiful on a few hours of sleep and would have been more gorgeous on enough hours of sleep. We traveled 90.8 miles (round trip) following the Animas River til we reached Silverton at an elevation of 9000 feet. It took us about 3.5 hours one way but the scenery was worth it  (And once you paid 8 or 9 bucks you could have all the lemonade you wanted free for the rest of the ride.) we crossed over the Animas River numerous times and the occasional waterfall splashed down into it. It started raining just before we reached our destination which made for even more beautifulness. Apparently there were no roads up there.. only this train track. We could have got off the train partway up and zip lines they the trees for the rest of the day till the train came back but that’s not what we were there for apparently. After eating and walking around in the rain for awhile, we loaded back into the train and arrived back in Durango around supper time, tired and grouchy. 

  The rest of the time my family was here we just chilled and did stuff close to home. Tuesday night around midnight I said bye and went to sleep. Around 0230 they quietly left. So it ends. 

Facts and Non-fiction

  There’s not much to say about third float. The only time there are 3 people off and third float actually has a job is every 2-3 weeks on Alb day. And then 3rd float gets stuck with the worst job. In my case this was second nurse. And being second nurse on Alb day sucks. When I finally got a great at 1430 I had been on duty for 8.5 hours. Ok so lost people do that and more in a standard work day but they aren’t trying to keep track of twentysome kids on a meager staff. In the hot New Mexico sun. Ok maybe I am a Canadian wimp. Otherwise on normal days I had a bunch of playduty and daily clean up and random stuff. On Saturday 2nd and 3rd floats take the kids on outings. Unusually it’s the older kids but this time I made them mad when I decided the younger kids would go this time. We took them to a big old play structure with lots of hiding places. They loved it. 

  The highlight of my week was that my family was here for half of it!!

7-16-19 to 7-22-19

On Being A Monster

Greetings from the Master procrastinator. I meant to give you a post a month ago cuz I was pretty much caught up and I was going to stay caught up. Hah. I tried. Believe me I tried. But the inspiration left me. I wrote up a post about my boys and laundry week. But it was forced. Oh so forced. I was just going to tell you what I did at exactly what time. ‘At 0645 I stepped over the threshold of the laundry room to start my laundry. So just be thankful that I didn’t give you boringness whole you are unthankful that you don’t have anything new to read on here. I kept saying ‘oh I’ll write one up on break.’ We’ll break turned into tomorrow turned into weeks turned into months........and here it is. Today. So today I WILL do this. 

  I’ll explain a little bit about the title of my blog. ‘Why monsters?’ are some people’s thoughts. ‘She’s 19 and she’s had wonderful opportunities and a great life!’ Well those monsters sometimes get to a person. No matter if you have had a good life or no. Monsters, like dark clouds, can rain on anyone’s parade. Even if they are having a fairly wonderful day, week, month, year, whatever. Doesn’t matter if they are having a wonderful life or are hating life, the rain still comes. And either you can get over it and chill or you can be still whining when the sun is out. Enough preaching. 

  This, following, is what I wrote 2 years ago when my life broke irreparably.   

  

   It's the middle of the night. The deep breathing of sleeping humans is scattered thruout the house. Until a child's waking cry breaks the silence. It grows louder until she succeeds to rouse the sister <me> next to her. 'What's the matter?' I ask. 'Why are u crying?'

'Monsters,' she whimpers. Just 'Monsters.'

'It's OK, baby,' I whisper back. 'It was just a dream. Monsters aren't real.'

  How wrong I was.

  Everybody has at least one monster that makes its home under their bed. Some people call these monsters Satan. Some people call them Sin. Some people give them names like Pride and Selfishness and Mean-ness and Disobedience and Jealousy. I just call them monsters. These are not ordinary child-version monsters. These monters are not visible to the eye. Not tangible. But they are just as scary.

 This monster of mine can change its appreance. It can be huge or tiny. It can be red or it can be black. And it can do a myriad of different things. Sometimes this monster convinces me to do things I shouldn't do. It sees me talking and convinces me to get mad when I think someone else is wrong and I'm right. It sees me crying and convinces me that I have a harder life than other people. It sees me doing someone else's job and convinces me that I'm better than that someone else. It convinces me to think unkind thoughts about people and to treat them unkindly too. It sees me hurt and convinces me that maybe if I would have said and done something else than maybe my life would have turned out different. Better.

 But sometimes I fight this monster. Not by myself. If I try by myself it torments me worse. Instead I ask for the help of one certain Soldier. Together we can wound him and chase him away. But I always have to be careful because this monster never will die. It will keep on attacking me and convincing me to do wrong. The only way to keep him away is to follow my Soldier and do what he tells me.

 My own monster isn't the only one that can hurt me. Other people's monsters that live under their beds hurt me too. Sometimes they hurt me by convincing their person to say something mean. Or they convince their person to make up lies to take my little sisters away. But I can't blame these people. I also have a monster. And because our monters can change size and shape, no monster is worse or better than any other. I hate monsters.

  Memories. Two little girls. Hugs. Temper tantrums. Kisses. Scratches. Mischievous glints in two pairs of sparkling eyes. Time outs. Wise words spoken solemnly (repeated after Daddy). A few hurtful words rashly shouted. Yes monsters are real. But love is also real. And stronger.

  There you have it. The day my little sisters left and I was left with tears streaming down my face from those dark clouds, I could have accepted those monsters. And I could have been grouchy and tearful for the rest of my life. But I chose to chase those dark clouds, those monsters away. Those two girls were my sisters for 5 years and I will always think of them as my sisters. I won’t forget about them but I’ll forget about those dark clouds that were in the way for awhile. 

  I see my little sisters in these children I take care of now. And it might hurt to see my sisters in these kids and know I will never see my sisters again. But I can’t not love these kids for the hurt they unknowingly cause me. Maybe I love them more for it. Maybe I love them more for the fact that I can see them and I will never see my sisters again.