The Interesting Part Must Be Over

 Does anyone check this blog anymore? You probably do not care anymore because it will all be normal stuff about a normal girl. The interesting part is over. Short but sweet. Boom. Done. Bye

Would you do it?

I'm going to try to tell you about the life I lived the last 6 months. You've read the basics. But I have not been able to put absolutely everything into words. I still don't know how to do that but I'll attempt to give you a little bit more of a glimpse.


I watched one little girl learn to crawl and stand up and my heart cried as I watched her. I love her. I never wanted to see her leave. But where was her mom to see her reach these important milestones?

We got a call for two girls who had told their teacher they were scared to go home. In the end, they did not come to our home but my heart cried for these 2 girls I didn't know. Because little girls should not have to be scared to go home. To me the word 'home' means safety. And love.

I walked the dark halls one night- peering into each crib and bed, kissing soft, sleeping cheeks, rocking the crying one-year-old, fixing a bottle for the fussing baby. I leaned over the bassinet and saw the faces of 2 innocent, beautiful babies. And I cried. Because I can only take care of them for a few weeks. I can't teach them the necessities of a good life. And being babies in care already, they don't stand much of a chance.

I watched a 4-year-old make the whole house dislike him. I saw how happy everyone was when he left and my heart cried. Because he didn't know love til he came into our care. He didn't know what to do with the love so he turned it into hurt. And gave it back.

I admitted a boisterous, obnoxious 7-year-old whi apparently had been taking care of his sister for the last while. I watched him be super sweet to her and then turn around and taunt and bully and hurt the other kids without shame or remorse. I took him on my lap one day in the middle of an anger fit and he started crying and did not want to let go. And my heart cried. Because a 7-year-old should not have to take care of a baby. He should not have to have such nonchalance when hurting someone or being punished. He should not have to feel that the only way to get thru life without being hurt is to hurt first.

We had 2 children come for just overnight. None of their family would claim them. They had been to our home 3 times before and seemed resigned to their fate. And my heart cried for them because their lives will never be normal.

I sang the words 'Beautiful things in life won't come easy.' And I stared down at the soft little two-month-old face in my arms and I cried. Because the beautiful child I was holding already hadn't had an easy life. And most likely it will only get worse.

I heard the little 2-year-old call me 'Mom.' I heard her whispered words 'I love you!' and I felt her warm chubby hug wrapping round me. Three months later I watched as her birth mom came to pick her up. I saw this tiny child cry and cling to this life, the one life she knows. And I cried. I cried for the little girl who didn't know her mom. Who called me 'mom.'

 I held the unusually quiet, sleeping 4-month-old in my arms during church. I look around and see the 9-year-old trying to sing along to the songs he doesn't know, the 6-year-old standing proudly by Papa as he leads songs. And I cry. Because we truly sat in heavenly places in that small chapel. And I took it forgranted.



That's the biggest part about the life that I miss. It hurts me that I couldn't be there forever. But it made my life so much the better. It made me more thankful for anything that I have. And I have more friends.
 And what about the price I paid? I left part of my heart there. They say home is where your heart is. But part of my heart is there, part of it is here, part of it is with my little sisters - I've left my heart in so many places I don't have just one home anymore. That's the price I paid. 

All I Can Do Is Cry

 To most everybody it's just another day. Same as ever. But for me it's one of the worst days of my life. Just this morning I was taking school children to the bus stop. And where am I now?? In a big old beast of an airplane. Taking me away from the place I want to be.
This is all wrong. I feel like I've stolen someone else's life. It shouldn't be me. I shouldn't have to leave. It hasn't hit yet. I'll be home and my dreams will be back here. It can't be real! No! Don't let this happen!! Let me go back! Stooooooop!
The wheels of this beast hum against the pavement. And six months are taking their leave. Flying out the unopened window. Gone

 Written Wednesday, October 23, 2019 the day I left home to go home

Blink

Blink. I'm home. Did you miss me??

Canyon de Chelly

 Yes, Canyon de Chelly again. The canyon is still breathtaking no matter how or how often you look at it.. trotting down the path on one side of the canyon wall.. staring with awe into the deep crater from the very top.. trying to take it all in while also trying to make your horse keep up with the rest.. bouncing along in the tight quarters of the back of a Jeep. On foot you don't see much but intricacies. From the top you can see the whole canyon if you stop at a few different lookouts. Horseback is a fun experience especially if you have a guide who likes to talk. And by jeep you can see a lot more but you have to keep getting in and out of the cramped back seat and there's a lot of sand to get in your eyes.
 I wouldn't hesitate to try any of these again and I would definitely recommend them.

Albuquerque

How do you put wonderfulness into words? My sis and brother-in-law came to see me. That doesn't do the visit any justice.
 After 4 months of calls and messages my sister came to spend a few amazing days with me! Too fake.
 My eldest sister and her husband embarked on a journey into the desserts of New Mexico to visit me after I had been taking care of these children for 4 months.
 Just kidding. To know how wonderful this visit was you would have to be living my life. So maybe I should just skip this post because all we did was shop in Albuquerque. And sleep. Oh and they were here over the busiest day in my history here. They did a lot of vacuuming and mopping and cooking that day. And holding babies.
 I think they enjoyed it here as much as I enjoyed having them. Or my sister did anyways.
 There you have it. The bare minimum. The finer details are boring anyways to someone who didn't live those few days with us. Besides this post is super late.

Girls and Cleaning

Inspiration hits at random times. Now is not one of those times but this has gotta be done. 

C is a chubby 8 year old with super low self esteem although she doesn’t know what that is. She’s an 8 year old who can write her name but not spell it to you. When she came she didn’t recognize any letters of the alphabet. She loves giving and getting hugs. 

M is 4. She’s learned to talk a lot better in the last few weeks than when she first came. She can be super stubborn. What she needs is a loving family who can focus on her and give her the help she needs growing up. But then which or these kids doesn’t need that. 

T was super shy and well behaved when she dame. But after a few weeks of being h r she’s gotten used to everything and now this 5-year-old can pout with the best of them. She is still sweet tho. 

C, a 6 year old has been through a lot in her life.  This is her second time being her in the last year. And despite neglect and abuse she is a very ‘normal’ child. Or maybe it just hasn’t affected her yet. She can still throw a tantrum and fight like the rest of them but she’s an amazing girl. 

J is a very disturbed 7 year old.  You can’t help but love her and wonder who and what made her the way she is. 

JJ is a very active almost 3 year old. She was very recently bumped up into girls from second nursery.. you’ve heard about her in some of my other posts. She possesses a strong will and too much energy. She has a very fake grin  that she’ll try to charm you with when she’s being naughty. Or anytime. 

X is a very angry 4 year old. She was here with her siblings for a few days after I arrived in May. After being gone for 4 months they were back here.  She’s small but fierce. Super fierce. 

E is a very sweet little 3 yr old. She’s a sister but exact opposite to the aforementioned X. In the few days she was here she didn’t warm up enamour to starting acting up. 

As the name implies, Girls and Cleaning teacher does a lot of cleaning. Such as wiping every single light switch in the whole house. But enlist the help of  a few little four year olds and you’re done in no time. 

There you have the bare minimum. But to tell you the half I would not be able to do. For you to know the half you would have to come visit this place. You’d have to help with 6 admissions at 7am on Sunday morning...sit in church surrounded by dark heads....rock the screaming 2 year old. For you to know the half you’d have to come live here. For more than 6 months.  I can’t even know the half.