The Beginning

Ah. Yes.  Either you have been waiting (im)patiently to see an update from me or else you haven’t even remembered. Either way, I’m fine with it. I’ve been waiting for an update from me too. And this is just as much for future me as it is for current you. So here goes.

The moment of Gone that I spoke of. The True Moment of it eludes you. Are you Gone when you finally say your last goodbye? when you finally find your seat on the plane? when you finally land in your new world? when you finally sever 87.5% of your ties to your old life  and launch full force into your new one? I’ve come to conclude that my moment of Gone is Never. I’m Gone but not Gone. I’m not where I used to be but I’ll be back.

Takeoff for my new life was at 7am. People-watching and reading kept me busy. The gentleman beside me had the same wish for quiet as I. We had a great conversation, him and I. We said nothing.

The sky-view of my new world was amazing. Canyons, rivers, red. Everything was red. Looking down in the city of Albuquerque, I wanted to gather my fellow flying mates and reach down and rearrange the buildings and roads and trees until they resembled Home. But I couldn’t.

I was welcomed warmly at the airport by 3 strikingly white-clad girls and the couple who quickly became Mama and Papa to me. The next 24 hrs are a blur to me. airport...drive...lunch...airport... shop..drive...sightseeing...drive...home.. meet the rest of the girls...tour the house...sleep...

The next few days I ran around doing many different things. I spent a few random hours with the other girls observing their skills and techniques; learning from them. Also I’ve spent a few lovely hours on play duty, endlessly pushing the kids on swings and settling fights. I cannot be alone with the kids until I’m cleared by my fingerprints so right now my days are mostly spent doing dishes and cleaning up spilled milk.  Okay so the only spilled milk I’ve actually cleaned up is my own.

Home. I miss Home. But what is Home? This has become Home. If I had to leave now I would cry. I would cry for misunderstood T, the troublemaker who can be so kind yet wants to be a bad guy like his daddy.  I’d cry for darling little Y, walking silently around; for I with her crazy giggle or pouting face, who loves unicorns almost as much as my S at home; for O, who can’t run and play like the rest of the boys, who arrived with a police escort with 4 or his 6 siblings; and, of course, I’d cry for baby T, our only baby, who is cuddled and spoiled by everyone.

So. Welcome to my thoughts; my home, my life. I hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy the tour.

Goodbye

 Well my friends. The day has (pretty much) arrived. I'm off to meet my new friends. I know some of you will think 'Oh she'll have so much fun with her new people she'll forget all about us'. In the moment I might. It will be hard for me to call or write. If the phone doesn't ring it will most likely be me. But you are always my People. My roots, my family, the people I grew up with, my friends. So don't worry. I won't forget you. Someone will be sick and I'll think of a longtime joke with Uncle.. 'tho thick of being thick' ;) Someone will stop in and I'll think of Cousins who stopped in to sing or chill or eat. Someone will ask about home and I'll think of y'all. I know. I'm being sentimental. It's only 6 months. I'll blink and I'll be home again. Well, actually I'll blink about 5,299,200 blinks before I come home.
 In the time I have between blinking and living and remembering you all stuck at home, I'll try to post some my life on here for you to view. I'm not sure how it will all work out so we'll see what happens.

On Precipices and tomorrows

Precipice

Today I stand on the precipice of Gone
Before me a vast expanse unseen, unknown
Behind me, a past I cannot take along.

How will I change? Will I be missed?
Will memories haunt me?
Am I ready to do this?

Tomorrows are defined by todays, so precarious
So then why in our moments
Do we act so very careless?

I can't see into tomorrow
But I know what happened, passed,
Can and will affect my now.

So. Tomorrow. Will i be strong?
Kind? Selfish? Demeaning? Brave?
Of so many words, will I choose right? Will I choose wrong?

I know so very few things for certain
But one thing so true. God is with me
And if I trust Him, He won't leave me alone.

So this poem isn't of precise rhyme and rhythm
But this poem has laid bare my mind
And now I leap off the precipice of.

Gone.